When I was 16 years old, I experienced a profound NDE that catapulted me into the study of spirituality, metaphysics and religious studies. I read every book I could find on these subjects and studied many different forms of meditation, I was obsessed, perhaps obsessed with the age-old question, what is the nature of God?
Many years after my NDE I did not question the existence of god, that was not my quest but rather the origin of god, the essence of god, the quality of god. In 2009 I entered my first year in Interfaith Seminary School. For the next two and half years in seminary school I studied every major religion, alternative religions, new age religions, metaphysical sciences and healing arts.
After my studies I came to the conclusion that the nature of god would in fact still remain a mystery and that perhaps it is within that mystery that wholeness, hope and love have the freedom to bloom. Without constriction from any one type of dogma or belief system I found a freedom and creativity that can only come from an empty space. A blank canvas, I am the painter and maybe the essence of god is not the canvas or the paint but an invisible, intangible consciousness that worked beside me as a collaborator to create a colorful art work that could be considered a reflection of my inherent divinity. After my NDE at 16 I wrote a poem called “My Hope.” The narration of this video is from the words of that poem I wrote 22 years ago. In 2012, my last year of seminary school I presented this poem to my teacher Katherine Barley. She then asked me to present it on my ordination day. I read the poem on ordination day in amazement that 22 years ago a young 16 year old girl wrote that poem at the beginning of her spiritual journey, hoping she would find some resolution as to the nature of god, to realize 22 years later, that the answer was always present, it lied within the wonder of a young girl filled with inspiration, willing to indulge herself in the mystery.
We live in a world, where many perceive the unknown (the empty space) as darkness, a storm they may have to bear. But what if the unknown is a vast empty space filled with opportunity, with possibility, potential and hidden little miracles that are just waiting to reveal themselves when the time is right. In the world of religious faith, many religious texts provide insight through stories and teachings as to what is the nature of humanity and the nature of the god energy. Some people find comfort in the structure and guidelines given to them through faith in a particular religious belief. Some people have no need to question their faith; they find grounding in its discipline.
Regardless of whether you are a person of faith, a new age spiritualist or perhaps your like me, one who prefers to be in the empty space and remain inspired and motivated by the mystery. I hope to connect with you, to find you in the mystery. Maybe religion is a reflection of the microcosm searching for the macrocosm. The empty space possibly, is the macrocosm shining its reflection upon the microcosm.
At the end of the day we are all searching for the same thing, connection to the part of ourselves we know as divine. As we search for meaning, we miss the simplicity of the mystery. We tear down its grandeur, rather than open its vastness by allowing the mystery to remain a mystery.
Once I allowed myself to be in the wonder, to be in the mystery of that which is known as god energy, that’s when my life became filled with miracles all around me. The word miracle is defined as an event or occurrence that has no explanation and cant be defined. Think about it, every synchronicity, every spontaneous healing is considered a mystery. When the mystery cannot be explained it’s called a miracle. So what is a miracle but simply a mysterious event or circumstance that is beyond human understanding, that defies the natural laws of psychics and presents itself to a world too juvenile to comprehend its nature. By remaining in the mystery, miracles are possible, humility is born and love is illuminated without boundaries.